Yes, I know that marks me as a nerd but, what the heck, there's worse things to be:
Margaret Beckett: Opens with stale Mike Yarwood (who he?) 'joke'. Cliche-ridden: 'I will speak truth to power'. I don't like her and if she's elected I promise to post GOT's scurrilous video of her.
Sir George Young: His 1st joke better received, actually got a laugh. Says he is 'in the Conservative Party, not run by the Conservative Party' - more laughs. More serious & confident in tone than Beckett with concrete proposals to address 'democratic defecit' probs between Parliament and Govt. Not bad at all.
Ann Widdecombe: Says something is needed between now and the next GE - restoration of trust between HoC and the public. Says in extraordinary circumstances we need someone 'provenly capable of connecting with the gen.public, whom the public recognise & the public trust etc etc etc'. 'Perhaps, by rather vulgar means, I have come to fit that bill.' Calls herself 'a vulgar tribune'. Self-deprecating - nice touch. Talks of 're-balancing power between Executive & back-benchers'. Again, more concrete proposals. Labour front-bench enjoyed her speech too.
Sir Alan Beith: Very little evidence of humour or charisma here. 'Build on the strengths of the House'. Again spoke of re-balancing power between Executive and back-benchers. Wants a 'Family-friendly place of diversity'. Stopped listening.
John Bercow: Cut and blow-dried pompous git doing an impression of a Snr Con back-bencher he spoke to on the phone when soliciting support. Got lots of laughs though. Went into detail about young Speakers, not that he's comparable. Gave an undertaking to serve no longer than 9yrs in total. So far, all about himself. Lots of hand gestures, word emphasis and playing to the gallery. Looks like he's a spectator at a rather slow tennis match. Will be 'a tireless advocate for our political relevance.' Calls himself 'clean-break candidate for change'. A few 'hear-hears' from the Labour benches. Silence from the Cons. He can articulate but that isn't the primary quality we look for in a Speaker of the House.
Richard Shepherd: Straight to the point: 'profound belief in our democratic institutions'; 'nadir'; 'under pressure'; ' disconnected from those who sent us here'. Wanted 'this Hse to represent the very best of our Nation' but found disconnected from public - Parliament had failed; it has become 'something less than the people we represent'. 'We have forgotten that we are not the government; we are those sent by our constituents to hold in check those that govern us.' 'The Executive rules by Royal Prerogative and the creation of another apparatus; we, however, come here with a simple mandate: that we will question, examine and argue with the govt.' Passionate & courageous. I could weep that this man won't be elected. If anyone has YouTubed his speech, pls let me know. This man has no chance.
Sir Michael Lord: Again, no jokes from this Deputy Speaker who's always carried out his duties impeccably. Speaks of constituents, backbenchers, executive. Wants to harness qualities of back-benchers; Hoc needs strengthening against Executive. 'I am a reluctant politician but an enthusiastic Parliamentarian' (another one who can distinguish between the two). Draws attention to govt policy being announced on tv rather than in the House; freedom of Select Committees to elect Chairman; more input from back-benchers. 'Lid has been taken off the HoC and I, for one, am only too happy to let the fresh air in & embrace change...' 'Have not sought to canvas colleagues nor have I had anyone working on my behalf.' 'No time to vote along Party lines'. I wouldn't be too sorry if he were elected, being the best of the also-rans, but he is rather boring.
Sir Patrick Cormack: Lots of background chatter. Invokes the name of Greville Janner (I didn't know he was still alive); perestroika, Vilnjus, Bucharest, Churchill. Poor start. Now he invokes the name of Speaker Lenthall (Cormack is going nowhere). 'I have neither eyes to see nor mouth to speak but as this House shall direct me whose servant I am.' Stopped listening.
Sir Alan Haselhurst: Another Deputy Speaker, 'As 9th candidate to speak, many have already expressed my thoughts'. Media expectation 'unreal'. Apparently, he's 'never seen himself as part of the Establishment'. Talks of length of debates - the Executive -v- the Legislature. Quite a good, strongly-worded speech with more concrete proposals which gained murmurs of approval until he spoke of using Fridays for 'set slots to allow sensible debate on Private Members' bills with divisions on deferred basis the following week'. Cue grumbles of discontent. Haselhurst just lost it with MPs - wtf wants to work on a Friday? Decent and capable chap, but I think his expenses rule him out - as they should many of the others.
Parmjit Dhanda: Says he's been in the race for 12 days as opposed to some who have been in the race 12 months [sic]. Says he's playing catch-up. Sense of frustration. Goes on to attack co- candidates; 'More gold than you see at the Olympic Games'. Talks of the BNP. Talks of need to 'give power away to local people in local communities' in an attempt to re-engage. Talks of Twitter, Internet, One Man & His Dog; wants 'a creche for the House'; "if the next Speaker hasn't implemented that for the House, frankly, I will think they have failed." Stopped listening.