"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Thursday, 30 July 2009

No Point Enforcing Drug Laws


Police should switch their focus away from arresting drug dealers and concentrate on managing the harm they cause, according to an 'influential' report from the UK Drug Policy Commission.
"Maniac drug dealer Tony 'Scarface' Montana today welcomed moves to tolerate his murderous insanity.

Mr Montana, a drug dealer since 1975, said he was 'fuckin' delighted' the authorities had offered not to prosecute him if he stopped killing quite so many people.

He added: "Ju want me to stop killing everyone? I suppose I could only kill four people a week, three at a push, if dat's what ju want."

A spokesman for the Drug Policy Commission said: "Mr Montana is a hard working insane businessman who often finds himself being dragged into inefficient, resource-hungry turf wars. In order for the system to focus on harm reduction we need Mr Montana to spend less time with his guns and chainsaws and more time adding Vim to cocaine and hanging around outside schools."
More crazy news at The Times, The Telegraph and The Daily Mash

4 comments:

  1. Well, this was pretty predictable. It was only in June that the UN published the Annual Crime and Drug report, at a cost of who-knows-what, that concluded countries should aggressively continue the 'war against drugs'.

    Business as fucking usual.

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  2. "You wanna play rough? You wanna play rough? Ok. Say hello to my little friend!" etc

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  3. UK: Down the toilet. Just like a bag of hash in a security raid.

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  4. Someone's going to have to play rough and stick their hand round the u-bend to sort it all out. I wonder if Cameron's the man to do it? Don't all laugh at once.

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