"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Saturday, 29 August 2009

New Terrorists On The Block

Watch out folks, the 'Christmas Resistance Gang' are on the loose with notepad, pencil and superglue.  The good people of Leeds are cowering as police have uncovered a new terrorist cell in the area.
'This is a very polite but very serious reminder not to display Xmas cards until 1st November. We will put super glue into your locks if you do. Peace and goodwill (the Mind shop got done on Sunday).'
Clive Barker, who runs a nearby Oxfam shop, which also had a letter, said: 'We don't have a clue who is involved in this terror campaign.

Please! If it weren't for the fact that this 'terrorist' seems to be hitting only charity shops, it would be very funny and laudable: who the heck wants to see Christmas card displays in August?

Calling it a terror campaign just shows what a load of pussy-wussies they are up in Yorkshire these days - unless, when they catch the mastermind behind TMFTCOC, he admits to superglue training at a secret location in Af/Pak. Grow up and stop over-reacting. Words become meaningless when they're used like this.

By the way, I'd do something about the name of the cell as well - I don't think 'The Movement for the Containment of Christmas' is going to catch on - by the time you've said your name as part of a coded phone warning to police, the glue will have gone off.  And do something about your disguise too, you might get away with it on Oxford Street but not in't Arndale Centre:


  1. Send some up here, GV: first Christmas goods in Somerfields appeared about 2 weeks ago.

  2. And I bet their sell-by dates are somewhere in mid-November! Two weeks? That's just terrible. You'll have to grow your own TMFTCOC terrorist cells though because if the Yorkshire one means business it's going to be rushed off its two-toned feet.


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