"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Blast From The Past

This is from 2009 (Wordpress wanted to trash it so it's been resurrected). It's interesting to see how it's a much more likely scenario today in 2011.

A woodsman is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it's offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence.

He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal.

His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a BBQ of squirrel and pheasant, and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.

The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the woodsman going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign on the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

H/t: Anoneumouse

I warned you it didn't seem funny any more - farmer faces prosecution

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