"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Monday, 23 April 2012

It's Not You, It's Me

Dear John Dave

This is really hard for me to say but... we can't go on like this. Neither of us is happy when you're under pressure to perform because, and I hate to say this, you seem to take it out on me.

Let's face it, we've been going steadily downhill since that December day in 2005 when you bounded ruddy-cheeked on to the stage in rolled up shirt sleeves and without notes. To be perfectly honest, I was surprised at the outcome but prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt. Well, the years have been long, cold and lonely (TM Led Zeppelin) since then and I think it's time we drew a line in the sand and moved on, to coin a Blair-phrase or two.

I've been trying to tell you for the past three or four years, but you just aren't listening to me. You don't read my little online notes (if you did you'd have bowed out gracefully long before today), you don't write, you don't listen and the flowers stopped arriving in 2010. There are only brickbats now and an outstretched palm as you demand I return the house-keeping money for another of your bright ideas.  (And let's be honest, the ideas are neither yours nor bright).

The thing is, you seemed like a fairly decent chap back in 2005, obviously intelligent with endless enthusiasm and a Tiggerish quality that could have gone some way to reviving our fortunes after the barren wasteland of the previous thirteen years.  Now you look like the ghost of Jacob Marley, fat, pale and anxious, dragging the chains of the European Union and Agenda21 behind you instead of cutting them loose.

We could have gone places together.  You could have been 'The One':  The One who lifted us out of media-perpetuated self-loathing; The One who told those who denigrate us in order to destroy us where to go; The One who re-affirmed British principles of fair play, loyalty and integrity; The One who acknowledged that it was okay to think you were 'English by the Grace of God'; The One who didn't pander to the 'What does it mean to be British/English' brigade; The One who defended this Nation and its people.  But you weren't.  You didn't even come close.

You've let me down, Dave.  You fineigled, connived and contrived to win my heart but never again.  You're finished, I'm gone, the Party's over.

Signed: The Conservative Grassroots

PS I lied, it is you.


  1. Well, that's Cameron finished then.....!

    Nice post, GV - and a clever one, too!

  2. Nice one.

    Loved the line "Now you look like the ghost of Jacob Marley, fat, pale and anxious, dragging the chains of the European Union and Agenda21 behind you instead of cutting them loose."

    Pure genius.


  3. I was torn in two abt this - I really hope newcomers don't think this is my personal Epiphany. Thanks for yr comments :)

  4. Replies
    1. Thanks, Fausty - I needed a change from my usual linky witterings :)


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